Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
