she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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