my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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