I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
