Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
