why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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