her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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