Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
