thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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