Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
