non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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