I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
