she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
