i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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