Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enjoy the penises
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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