using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
COCAINE IS GR8
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
