If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my poor anus
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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