Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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