the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
