did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
