is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
