I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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