i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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