did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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