A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
