I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
