For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
