I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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