just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
