your thong is hanging out like whoa
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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