he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
