i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
