I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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