Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
