I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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