Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
