I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
