If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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