That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
