I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
