You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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