I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
