ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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