yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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