They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
