I feel like abortions should bother me more
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
