my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
