I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
