Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
