I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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