Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
