I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
