Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
