he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
