White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
