He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
