Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
FUCK WHALES
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
