So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
