If i come over, it means nothing
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
