Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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