what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
