so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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