...so i touched it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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