Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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