I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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