In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
