of course. lets lasso hookers.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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