I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize