then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
