Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
